Since I lost you

Every time your eyes
look at me without knowing me,
my soul cracks
like a dry trunk.

But I have to be a green branch
to hold your trembling arm
and take you with a firm step
to this house of ours that you no longer see as yours.

The years we spent together
are lost in the mystery of your mind.
And I have disappeared with them
until become a stranger.

But I still see the beloved
when I meet you every day.
Your eyes are my everything, even when they pass me
and scan the nothingness behind my back.

My tears crash in awe,
because I miss you already
and you have not yet crossed
the last border.

You are the living memory
of all that I have lost
and the torn presence
of all that I have left.

I see your beloved features
looking for other hands in the distance
where your memories dwell
and I caress with mine your skin by my side.

Sometimes I seem to see your gaze shine
as if you knew I was with you.
Or maybe your mouth shows its sweet smile
in answer to the sound of my voice.

Then I treasure that light
like a child hunting for fireflies
in the dark night of the intimate garden
to hold their sparkle in a glass jar.

I know that soon they will fly away
and I will be left again blind
in the unpredictable universe
of our troubled souls

You move away step by step
towards the darkness where you imagine stars
and I try to guess your dreams
while I tuck you in, crying a lullaby.

Who could go with you
to your broken world
and put it back together again for an instant
so we could melt in a true kiss!

For all those
who we had missed,
my beloved,
since I lost you.

©Olga Brajnović

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